i just wanna soil my oats bro
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
