That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
