she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
