I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
