i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
