Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
