I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
