what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
