DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
