i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
