Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
