Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
