Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
