I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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