Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
