So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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