how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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