I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize