remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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