You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
