I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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