I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
