haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I wish there were birth control emojis
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
