i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
