I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
