Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
i now understand why vodka
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
