good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
