genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
