So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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