It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
