Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
