I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
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And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We have so much sex to catch up on
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
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10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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