what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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