A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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