are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
