That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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