Buhtt sex?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
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So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
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Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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