So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
