We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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