I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
