I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
