i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
