What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize