M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
