I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
