She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
