i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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