She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
