While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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