If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Randomize
