That's when you crack a 10am beer
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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