i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Randomize
