I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
