She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
