and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
