I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
