on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
