eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
